Good bye comfort zone, Hello Nobody!

I used to take for granted living in my comfort zone. What is my comfort zone? It is living my wonderful life surrounded by loving family and great friends; having a promising career with future prospect of being a somebody in the corporate ladder; living a comfortable life in a cosy apartment; not knowing how to use public transport because my car takes me anywhere I want; owning no cooking book and admiring my very clean irregularly used kitchen because I can just order anything I like from any of my favourite, carefully selected restaurants.
 

That was years ago when I had ambition of my own, for myself.  Just when I thought my life was going great, I decided to get out of my comfort zone. I took a turn. This turning point seemed like walking through rainbow. It seemed better than what I had back then. The idea of having a family with the man I love. The idea of raising my own children in a land where life seem to be perfect, where opportunities seem to be all around, distracted my idea of giving me the ultimate attention.

This is when I learn that the value that I have built around myself could easily deteriorate after I step out of my comfort zone and not knowing how to deal with it. In my context, walking out of my comfort zone would mean that I am a Nobody. I have never been a nobody before, Eversince I was born, I have been a somebody. how does one feel to be a Nobody? This is it, the new discovery of my life.

 

First encounter of being a nobody. Hello? I got no friends! I don't know anyone except my husband. Well, he doesn't count. He is supposed to know me. Looking around me, everything is obviously strange or stranger. This is it. My question has been answered, the question of how does it feel to be a nobody. It feels extremely lonely.

 

It is disappointing to know that my degree is not recognized in my new country and therefore my years spent at the local University seemed wasted. My fluency in English doesn’t help me at all because the language is not widely spoken in my new country, and the people seem to be sceptical about a non-native English speaker. My working experience doesn’t impress the small group of people whom I wanted to impress because the area of expertise of my previous job doesn’t fit the jobs that I applied for. When I slowly tried to position myself in the society by first learning the language, and establishing contacts with individuals whom I met at school, I get to know that immigrants are referred to as “Auslander”. That is quite a degrading nickname for us.

I am truly happy in my country as I got what it takes to be accepted, recognized and move forward. Anyone who comes to my country with any kind of expertise could find a job eventually. In fact back home, the society in which I grew up in has been and will always be the warm welcoming society. However, in my new country, I am stuck. The locals are distant and has no interest to get to know me. How could this be happening to me? I feel that I worth nothing. I have to start from scratch. How can I increase my value again?

I have to think of a few strategies. Will they work? Only time will tell. Let me share with you the first one. They all say, “learn the bloody language, learn as much as possible to be as perfect as possible. Maybe they will look at you differently”. Look at me differently? I don’t want to be different. I want to be me and to be accepted as the way I am. In my country, people talk the same language with different accent and different set or standard of grammar. Sometimes there is no grammar application at all; just a set of arranged words. Nevertheless, people understood this other world of spoken language and we all accept this variation with great honour and respect.

 

The main goal is to be perfect as fast as you can. That means intensive workout. Intensive practice, intensive learning. One very good advice I got from a lot of people is to forget other languages and just concentrate on this one, the mother language of my new country. Did I take that advice? You bet I did; only to realize that I slowly forgetting the other 2 languages that I have mastered and yet not mastering the new one. How irony is that? In the end I feel like I don't know any language anymore. That helped me feel more miserable. Thank you!!!

 

...to be continued