it's not that bad

...actually when I look back at things, I should count my blessings. Things are not anywhere near bad. In fact, things are perfectly fine.

     Being alone in a new country has taught me a lot. A lot to be grateful and thankful about. It is really a new beginning of a new me. In most cases, losing some of the things that I thought really matters to me has opened my eyes and heart to explore some other areas inside of me that was unknown before.

     I am sure we have heard of this over and over gain, and I agree 100 percent with it. It is the saying, "count your blessings." People somehow forget to feel blessed, but focused more on feeling crappy. No not people, it is me! I forget to feel blessed. I pray daily, but feel unblessed. That is the most horrible irony in anyone's life. I guess it is my struggle... to be thankful, really thankful to our creator for the air that I breathe, for the sun that shines, for the drops of rain, for the four seasons that I never fail to experience. The few thing which are ruling my mind are; how to be like others, to earn big bucks, to be able to buy this and that, to be able to go here and there.

     If I would not have this shift in my life, I could have become an arrogant person, a money chaser, a fake person who has a shallow mind. I cannot say that I am over the material matter, that is a long process. I am too far away from that purity. I don't know anyone  who is detached from material. Some even professed deep religious commitment, but still need money to keep their spirit high. However, everyone has a journey to take and who am I to question others on what matters to them.

      At one point things seemed to fall into places, I got to do things that I enjoy and earn a bit. It is amazing how the experience fulfilled my ego. That few years has given me new meaning to myself. I felt good because I feel that I contributed to the world. Then suddenly out of nowhere, I started to complain about the less time I have for myself. The little time which left, I have to divide between doing all the house chores and spending time with my loved ones. My world was upside down again, blabbering about things which are beyond my control and how other people managed to irritate me with their demands and behaviours.  

...Then I begin to see that being at peace is not about having all that you want to have; on the other hand, it is about feeling grateful , thankful and happy with the blessings that are on our plate at any point in our life. I learn to look at things differently, shift my outlook and the way I perceive things and situations around me. Just to wake up healthy is a blessing! Listening to my husband's snore is a blessing, enjoying my daughter's laughter is a blessing. Ohhhh...there is so much blessing, and now when I want to count them all, they seem uncountable! But nightmares ??? this one I still cannot accept as blessing.

     Nevertheless, don't get me wrong. Having goals, objectives and mission in life are must! They are important benchmarks so that we have directions and having the motivation to improve ourselves. What I am focusing on is to be contented with our life throughout the journey. To train our minds not to compare our lives with others. It is good to have someone or something to inspire us. I do have a few goals now. I want to be unrealistic, by living in my dream world sometime...(try it, it is fun too!). But well, we have to wake up to realistic ideas. I honestly think it is not fun, but I try my best to make it fun!

     Guess what? Writing a blog is actually one of my new goal. At the very beginning, I told myself that I should write everyday. Look at what is happening now? I skipped days! I gave myself excuses...too busy. Doing what? I just finished watching 2 movies on you tube... My goal with my blog is to improve my writing skills and to share what is on my mind. I want to explore this shallow mind of mine. I hope something creative will come out of my writing! I am even envious of my niece Sarah coz she can draw a comic and the comic has a plot!

     Another goal of mine is to help the kids here with their English. I am not a native speaker, but I can teach English. I want to make use of my knowledge and skills. I am a fun teacher! I hope this plan of mine will work out well. A few people have shown interest. My pilot project should be in November. Help me God...bless my mission!